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Kara's Mistake

By Maiel Alcinoe

Word Count: 687
Date: 01/27/05
Series: One
Rating: K+
Category: Character
Pairing/Focus: Kara
Spoilers/Disclaimers: The chars belong to all appropriate people. In this case none of them are me

Kara stood holding her helmet looking at the empty space on the deck. He wasn't coming home, Lee wasn't coming home. The words echoed round her head like a record stuck on repeat. She felt the hands that touched her in a united response to grief but she didn't hear the words. She blinked back the tears trying not to let the others see how much it hurt but inside she felt like dying too. Her head lolled back and she looked upwards as they jumped away glad for the moments respite from staring eyes. Coming out of the jump gave her that familiar sickly feeling in her stomach and she turned away from the empty spot and moved quickly towards the hatch, Frak, how was she going to explain this. She managed to make it to the head before her innards came out rapidly causing her a great deal of discomfort, `Lords' she muttered wiping at her mouth before repeating the process.

She rested her head against the cool bowl waiting for the griping in her stomach to fade frightened to step outside, to face everyone. How could she have frakked up again, like this, with him. She started banging her head against the bowl as if this would make her understand what had happened but she already knew. She'd been playing around, showing off, being the invincible Kara Thrace only this time someone had paid for it, Lee had paid for it. She stood slowly taking short ragged breaths trying to control herself, she was going to have to face the old man, how was she gonna explain it. Almost as if through a will of their own tears began to fall silently and she let out a howl of rage and pain before resting her head in her hands. She stood shuddering and sobbing quietly when she heard the hatchway open and footsteps enter.

`Starbuck really messed up this time,' one said in hushed tones that she was only barely able to catch, `Frak the CAG man,' the other answered. She couldn't see what was happening only hear the deathly silence that followed, `Yeah,' came a voice back sadly `I can't believe she did that.' The bodies moved, their footsteps echoing through the small stall she was in. She banged her head hard of the metal sheet behind her, `You killed him,' she told herself softly, `You killed him,' she repeated. She had been playing with a raider, watching it scoot here and there trying to get away from her, she'd seen it as a game, even though it was something that could have killed her. Only it hadn't been her that had died, Lee had. She kept the motion of her head going before she lashed out and smacked her fist off the opposite side feel a crunch that both pleased her and caused her pain. Only it wasn't enough, nothing could ever be enough to mask this pain.

She gritted her teeth and opened the cubicle stepping outside and over to a sink. Rinsing out her mouth she looked in the mirror flinching at the sight of her own reflection. `Well you really frakked up this time and you didn't even manage to tell him.' As she touched the image in front of her she saw the explosion where Lees viper had been, watching her ass, taking care of the raider that had gotten on her tail. She wiped over the glass that had steamed up from the hot running water and glanced at herself again, `You really did kill him.' She was sure she had screamed his name when she felt the viper blow near her. She slapped the palm of her hand into the mirror letting out a low whimper before hearing the hatchway open behind her. Kara turned, seeing the Old Man stood there, she blinked back more tears before she spoke, 'It was my fault Sir.'