Pairing/Focus: Lee, Kara
I've been having them a lot today. Flashes of my life, of every mistake I've made over the past twenty odd years that I can remember of my life. Of not giving my grandmother a hug while she laid so frail, so frightening still in those last moments of her life. Of not telling my mother that I loved her, every time she told me over the phone while I was away at camp, or when I called home from the academy.
The first had come when I was staring down that Cylon missile, hosing railgun fire around, just hoping that I could hit it before it caught back up with me. Things had seemed to slow to a crawl when it exploded in flame close enough to rock the ship. It had shaken me more than in a mere physical sense.
Regrets, like not taking my brother camping with me that summer when I turned fourteen. Of deciding I wanted to be alone up in the hills behind the cabin, fishing for myself, sitting in front of a smoky wood fire looking up at the stars and dreaming of being a Viper pilot. If I had known I would only have four trips just like that with him to remember, I would have done things differently. The fish always tasted better when he was there to eat them with me, the fire always seemed a bit warmer with him there to share it with.
The second flash had come when I pressed that button down, knowing even as I did it, and that gut wrenching surge of an almost jump passed through me, that it was all for naught. That I truly was going to die. It was dark after that, and I hope that darkness was not an indication of what waited for so many this day.
I regret not telling Kara that I loved her after we shared that sweet night after our primary school graduation, when we had learned that we had been accepted into the Academy. Too much life, too much ambrosia and I shared with her something I had always sworn I would save for my wife. It had been bitter sweet for I loved her with all my heart, all my soul, and I knew that her heart had already been captured by Zak. My mother had once told me that love, is wanting happiness, be it with you or without you, for the one you love. So I held my silence that morning, after holding her in the dew drenched grass as the sun peeked over the tall Caprican peaks.
This time though is different than all the others. This time I know that it is the end. My straw has finally come up short. I watch, wondering as the missile curls in towards me, the Viper sluggish under my hand. There is no way to avoid this one, and the trail it makes is a thing of beauty.
I regret not having taken that chance to tell my father that for as much as I was angry at him, thinking that he had led to Zak's death, I still loved him. Loved him so much that it tore my soul apart to be angry and not to forgive him. The words are a whisper on my lips, when as suddenly as it began, that missile trail just disappears.
My angel has arrived, trailed by her jubilant warcry.