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Reflections: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

By Gem

Date written: 3/15/06
Rated: K+
Word count: 411
Story Timeline: season 1
Category: Drama
Warnings: none
Characters: Roslin/Adama
Summary: Denial and Realizations
Spoiler: mini, 33

Author's Note: Something different, a reflection on how the relationship between Laura Roslin and Bill Adama has changed. We start with 33 and we will finish with Lay Down Your Burdens Each Chapter I have written will be in either or Both of the Character's POV's and has been started by a one or two word prompt I have picked based on the happenings in each episode. I hope you enjoy. It might get sticky please just hold on for the ride.


One

In the days since the attack, Laura has been slowly easing into her new position. It isn't an easy task when the Cylons show up every thirty-three minutes and you have to tuck-tail and run or face being annihilated. Laura Roslin, President, tries her best to lead her people. Truth be told this constant running with no sleep is taking its toll.

The only saving grace was knowing she wasn't in this alone. She never is. It's been five days, with no reprieve. Bill Adama's voice sounds as tired as she feels but Laura knows he and his people will protect them all until the end… His voice is huskier then usual no doubt a result of fatigue but the sound of his voice keeps her sane. Laura soaks in all the comfort she possibly can from it as he talks about the next step. Rest- yes of course they all need it and now seems as good a time as any. The Cylons are gone for now, they have gotten their price the Olympic Carrier. Gods know when they will be back for more. Laura ignores the thoughts running in her head and again focuses on the sound of his voice and then that voice disappears as they end the call.

She leans back in her chair and closes her eyes. His voice is what she hears as she drifts off to sleep. She is awoken all too soon by the sound of the pilots voice and the buzzing phone next to her. She picks it up and hears his voice again, the Olympic Carrier is back. Laura cannot believe what she is hearing but she has an uneasy feeling building in the pit of her stomach and it's not because of the sound of his voice.

“Madame President we have to destroy the Olympic Carrier.” Bill's voice is calm and smooth but there is a sense of urgency in it.

They argue back and forth about the people aboard the ship and his smooth husky voice leads her to a place she knows she has to go. She gives the order, five days in office, and she has already killed people, twice.

When it's all over and she is alone Laura hangs onto one thing from this deadly game of cat and mouse. The comfort that she gains from the sound of Bill Adama's voice it is the only thing that led her through the firestorm of the last five days.


Two

Bill Adama smiles at her admission. Mysteries were one of his favorites as well. He hands her Dark Day after a short discussion. Then they sit down and talk about the fleet. One of the cruise ships was having problems with riots because of the water shortage. He feels for her and the compounding problems she faces but he can't help her.

Bill explains why he can't help and she catches on quickly. The President is a fast learner, and has good taste in books. They have an understanding an agreement. They are in this together. If she needs his advice then he gives it.

It's the end of the world everyone deserves some comfort or happiness let Laura Roslin find hers in the pages of Dark Day . It is a good book and he knows she will enjoy it. He leans back into the leather sofa and smiles. It's a good book and she is a good person genuinely concerned for the people but she's still a politician.

----

Laura leans back against her sofa bed. She can't help but smile as she picks up Dark Day and opens the cover. It was friendly a gesture and she was happy for it. The gesture helped her to get to know the man behind the uniform. She began the conversation talking about her love of books and that led to his question “Which Book?” She told him about her weakness for mysteries that led to conversation about the classics and it ended when he handed her Dark Day .

Laura took the book gratefully with her trademark smile but was at a loss for words. She was surprised how this man, so caught up in the military and fighting the cylons could be so gentle. She explained that it could be a while before she got it back to him.

His response was not what she was expecting it caught her complete off guard “It's a gift, never lend books.” She smiled again. She had learned something about him this man was as much a mystery to her as any book. She suddenly felt as though she was gaining a better understanding of the man behind the uniform. She still didn't complete understand the man in the uniform but this book was a simple gesture from a simple and compassionate man whom she beginning to better understand.


Three

The question was innocent enough. She wanted to see a doctor. No problem Cottle is a damn good doctor but he has little bedside manner.

Bill couldn't resist the question. “Is everything all right?”

“Fine, it's just allergies, it's allergies. Laura moved away hoping he wouldn't ask for any more information. Laura hopes he buys her explanation because she certainly doesn't.

Bill gives her a pleasant smile. “Doctor Cottle, he's out on the fleet. I'll let him know you want to see him.

Laura releases the breath she didn't know she was holding in and nods. As she walked back to shuttle she thought to herself. ‘Allergies, where the frak did that come from.' She should have told him the truth but it's none of his business. He would probably use it against her. No she can't tell him, not yet. She hopes she can one day, not today. When she's around him she has allergies. When she alone she can face the truth.

---

Allergies? Not likely Madame President. Bill noted her discomfort when talking to him about her “Allergies.”

Her voice may say allegories but her body language tells a completely different story. He will find out. He has no desire to mistreat her. He just wants to help her. Bill Adama knows when she's ready she'll tell him what he needs to know but for now the President has “allergies.”


Four

She was busy. That was the excuse Laura came up with when the doctor so nicely asked her, why she waited so long. Laura felt like she could add that the world came to an end but she didn't.

Laura quickly put to rest the traditional treatment options and went for the unconventional. She pleaded her case- she didn't want to end up like her mother. Her reasoning was sound. She needed to have her head. She can't appear weak. She can't afford to let the fleet know. She can't afford to let Bill Adama know. She has to be able to lead this fleet. She was too busy for traditional treatments and their side effects. She can't be sick but she is, she has cancer. She was her mother. She didn't want to be her mother. She has responsibilities to the people and she can't let them down. Laura owed more to Bill Adama they made a deal she wasn't going to break her promise. She would lead the civilian government and he would make the military decisions. Laura still had so much to do. She was busy but she would find a way to fight this. She needs to find a home for the remains of humanity.


Five

Laura Roslin faced the two Adama men. She'd had enough. This has turned in to an unacceptable risk. She understands what it's like to loose a loved one. She understands their pain. Laura understands the link that Kara represents to them. She knows Kara is a remarkable resource for this fleet but this is excessive and needs to stop. “You're both officers, you're both honorable men…clear your heads.”

Laura turned and left the Colonel follows her close behind. Bill and Lee stand there shell shocked. Adama looks over to his son. No words are needed. They both know she's right. They got the message. Kara is gone. There is nothing they can do. They have done all they can. It's over. Lee gets the message Kara is gone and the pain that set in about twenty-four hours won't be going away anytime soon.

Laura was right. She knew that. Bill called and gave them the order to begin jump prep. Bill and Lee Adama are officers and they made the tough decision. Laura waited for him to arrive in CIC his decision. Her pushing him didn't make this situation any easier for him or for her. She knew Bill Adama is hurt, he lost his link to Zac, she could see the pain in his eyes.

Laura wanted to comfort him but she couldn't, not here, not now, it wouldn't be fair he had lost his daughter and his youngest son again. It wouldn't be fair to offer support to him since she is the one that made him call off the search. He probably wouldn't want her support under the circumstances.

---

Bill Adama entered CIC he did his best to cover the pain he was feeling. He wanted to ignore her but he couldn't he was professional and she was the President. He walked over to the President and his XO. “Colonel, resume your duties.”

“Yes, sir. Jump is ready on your orders.”

Bill turned his attention to Laura as Tigh walks back over to the plot table. “Madame President would you like to return to your ship.”

Laura smiled warmly trying her best to indeed offer support the best she can. “No, thank you, I'll stay here and see how the professionals do it.”

“As you wish.” Bill replied and walked over to join Tigh.

---

Moments later it appeared they hadn't waited too long. When Lee's voice came over the wireless. “It's Starbuck.”

“Say again Apollo.”

“It's Starbuck.”

The CIC erupted in joyful cheers and Laura Roslin watched Bill Adama closely during those few moments as the pain drained from his face. Laura smiled outwardly as well. Laura's smile was one of relief and sadness; relief because they have found Starbuck. The pain is of a different kind as the pain left Bill it joined Laura.


Six

Waiting was the worst part. Laura's world had stopped the moment Billy uttered the words. “There has been and explosion on the Galactica. Laura didn't know how to react. Yes, she had to be the perfect politician but she was also a friend.

Laura couldn't put her finger on exactly when things had begun to change between her and Bill Adama, but they had and right now her heart was in her throat because there was no word from the Commander.

She prayed to the gods that he wasn't there when it happened. That he wasn't anywhere near it but her heart told her a different story. She was praying to any all that would listen that he was not injured in the explosion.

---

Friendship that is what had saved Bill Adama's life Saul had pushed him to the deck just in time. Bill knew that if Saul hadn't done that he was most certainly be injured now, or worse.

As they walked from sickbay to his quarter Saul was talking about what to say to the master of arms but Bill didn't hear a word of the conversation. He mind wandered to another person- Laura. He wasn't sure what had happened between them or even when it started but Laura was someone he held very dear.

She was a friend and an ally. He had learned in a very short time how to talk to her. She had learned how to talk to him. They were beginning to be more open and honest with one another. Their talks didn't always focus on the business of the fleet anymore. They talked about their lives before the attacks, their likes and dislikes. They seemed to be growing dependent on one another. They were becoming friends and he cherished that friendship.

---

Laura sat behind her desk, lost in thought waiting for any word of her confidant and friend. She didn't want to think about what she would do without him.

The phone buzzed and brought her from her musing. Billy spoke the person on the other end and then extended the phone to Laura. As she reached forward to take the receiver she studied the young man's face. Billy's expression was unreadable. She took a deep breath and spoke into the receiver hoping Bill Adama's voice would answer from the other end of the line and he did. Her friend was alive.


Seven

Bill Adama was calm when word of the President's collapse was received. A little too calm for his liking He was preoccupied with Baltar and the mysterious Godfrey Woman.

Honestly shelly Godfrey made him nervous and not only because she was hiding something but because she was right. He did feel lonely. He did think about waking up next to someone- Laura and it was a dream.

All he wanted to do right now was go to Laura and offer his support. She needed his friendship and support, now more than ever. He knew deep in his heart that she didn't have “allergies.” Bill wasn't ready to face her with the possibilities that came to his mind.

----

Laura knew Cottle was right. Should wouldn't be able to hide it much longer but she wasn't ready to face the reality of her condition or her actions just yet. She wasn't ready to face Bill Adama. She couldn't lose his friendship or his support because of her medical condition. She needed his companionship. She wasn't ready to break his heart. Yes, she had collapsed and he would call her later and playfully yell at her for it and tell her to take care of herself. She will laugh and oblige his request after their long late night conversation because she has to do her part to help save humanity.


Eight

Laura was caught in his embrace; his breath was hot against her ear. She was terrified she was in the embrace of a cylon. She held back the guards. She knew that this was important and she could live with the personal discomfort. She had become curious about what was so important that he pull her so close to tell her and her alone

“Laura, Adama is a Cylon.” His words poured over her like venom from the mouth of a snake. Her world was spinning out of control. She pushed back from the cylon so fast it was as if he had burned her with his words. Laura's mind was racing, Adama a cylon. Was it even possible or not? She couldn't wrap her mind totally around the idea.

Laura knew from past reports about this cylon that he mixed lies and half-truths. He plays with his victim's heads or does he? Is it all a ploy? Is it what Adama wants everyone to think? After all he wrote the only report on Leobeon Conroy.

The cylons words kept playing over and over again in her head, “Adama is a cylon, Adama is a cylon.” Those words broke her heart. Laura had come to rely on Bill Adama and his people to protect the fleet. If he was a cylon and the possibility seemed absurd. She felt positively sick thinking about it.

Cylons did look human. She was driving herself crazy with this she needed to know for sure. She needed the cylon detector. She was sitting alone in her private room on Colonial One feeling sick. She was heart broken. She had just begun to sort out how she felt about Bill Adama, at least she knew they were becoming friends. she is unsure of her feeling for him, because of a cylon planting lies and half-truths in her head. Laura laid her head against the pillow shedding tears of sorrow and frustration all the while Conroy's words running though her head “Adama is a cylon.” Her better angles shouting her demons down, “he is not.” The cylon, Leobean is just untrustworthy. Adama is not a cylon or is his?


Nine

Laura watched him carefully from the upper deck on CIC. Luetenitant Gatea handed over a folder and had a quick word with his commanding officer. Bill looked up to the upper deck. Laura waved and smiled back. Bill smiled and held up the folder, almost in triumph.

When he reached the upper deck, he cleared it with a quick command. Laura smiled at the officers around as the filed off the deck. Bill came face to face with her and stopped. Ordinarily Laura would feel safe and calm when he was this close. She never could figure out exactly why but she always felt safe around him. Today she felt different. Today she was anxious.

Bill noticed that she looked uneasy. He held out the folder and offered congratulations they were now the owners of a cylon detector.

Laura couldn't help but feel slightly relieved at the news of the cylon detector. She could put her uneasy feels and suspisons to rest. The question was who would go first?

They decided finally that Bill would be the first tested but his cooperation was not without humor. When Laura commented that if he were a cylon she would like to know.

Bill Adama's retort was “if I'm a cylon you're really screwed.”

Laura giggled at the statement but then dead paned and thought to herself in more ways then one.

---

Laura's giggle was intoxicating. Bill couldn't help but smile. He knew her reaction was innocent and out of nervousness but he couldn't help it. He couldn't explain it but somehow Laura made this hell bearable.

---

Laura was surprised and again suspicious when Baltar informed her that Adama had stopped his on test for someone named “Ellen.” She took a breath maybe Leobean was onto something- after all he stopped his own test. Laura felt positively sick but why? Did she really think Bill Adama was a cylon? It was possible. He stopped his own test.

---

Bill knew Laura was suspicious. She hadn't been acting like herself since the incident on the Gemion Traveler. He needed to show her that it was all right. He needed to calm her down and get to the bottom of the Ellen Tigh mystery.

---

Well this is uncomfortable. Dinner with Bill, Lee and the Tighs and Ellen is certainly a vile woman. Bill says he thinks she's a cylon right now, I totally agree with him. Honestly, dinner with Bill Adama would be appealing in any other situation other than this.

---

This isn't exactly how I imagined dinner with Laura but at least there are candles and her sense of humor. Adama smiled at her, on the inside, she was really holding her own against a drunken Ellen Tigh. She was delivering knock down blow after blow.

---

Laura sat at the table next to Bill and thought to herself. I take it back. There is absolutely no way this woman is smart enough to be a cylon and that laugh. Laura couldn't wait until this night was over and Ellen Tigh was gone. Laura glanced over as Lee jumped up from the table, he looked absolutely uncomfortable Laura had seen that look on men's faces before—Ellen wouldn't not here—would she? Yeah she would. Laura was relieved when Bill called an end to the evening. Ellen would be gone and soon they would know if she was a cylon.

--

Bill knew Laura thought he was a cylon. The last few days had been a surreal experience but it was over. Dr. Baltar declared that Ellen Tigh was not a cylon but Bill still had his doubts. The President's suspicions about him would be put to rest in a few hours and they would all move on.

He didn't know what it was about tonight but it just seemed right to have Laura next to him, basked in candlelight. If the tights weren't drunk it would have been perfect. Okay, maybe not perfect. Prefect would be having a candlelit dinner alone with Laura, just Laura. He couldn't explain it but there was something about her.

---

Laura placed her book on the bedside table. Bill's book, tonight would have been perfect if the Tigh were absent and maybe Lee too.

Laura put a lot of trust in Bill Adama. Most of that trust was blind. She had no choice. She didn't know how to describe the way she was feeling but something was happening At Dinner tonight it felt natural to sit next to him and she truly enjoyed his company. She couldn't explain it there was just something about him.


Ten

Laura Roslin watched and listened as Starbuck and Apollo went through the Battle plan. The plan itself was sound. The problem was that none of the them could out think the cylons. The Freighters and the people on them were bait. Bait to be used for the benefit of the fleet against the cylons.

---

The plan was risky, yes. It was out of the box exactly what he asked for. The pitch was over. Bill had weighed in and the room was silent.

---

It would be simple for Laura to tell him that she didn't approve. This whole nightmare would be over but it wasn't that simple. They needed that fuel and to get it they needed to do this. It wasn't over. “You have your decoys.” As Laura finished the statement she felt her stomach knot and as she left the room the last thing she heard made the knot tighter. “The operation begins in forty-eight hours.” There was no turning back now.

---

Bill Adama watched her go. He couldn't help but the notice the uncertain look in her cobalt eyes it was a look a causal observer was sure to miss but not him. The two of them had been through too much. He knew the decision was difficult and it was hers but they had no other option. They had to fight to survive.

---

Laura wandered the corridors aimlessly and deep in thought. It was nice and cruel at the same time to finally have time to herself. The officers that passed her gave polite smiles she did her best to return them but she had an overwhelming desire to be alone. Billy must have caught the look in eyes. The look that says help me , because he took her elbow and ushered her away. They took a short walk around the twists and turns of the Galactica corridors and then stopped in front of a large hatchway. Billy opened and motioned for her to enter. She did so and he waited outside standing guard with the rest of her detail.

She stood at the top of the observation deck alone with her eyes closed soaking in the peaceful atmosphere. Perfection, Billy, thank you she thought. She opened her eyes and walked down the stairs and over the pillows strewn on the deck. She stopped in front of the observation window and was once again lost in her personal hell of stars, visions and thoughts.

---

Bill Adama searched for her for what seemed like an eternity. He turned the corner by the observation deck and finally found what he was looking for. He walked by Billy and smiled. He opened the hatch and step quietly inside. He looked down from the top of the deck at Laura Roslin. She looked troubled and it he didn't know better he'd say it wasn't just because of the mission. She also looked beautiful in the starlight. Bill was trying to remember the first time he thought of Laura Roslin in this way He honestly couldn't remember but he had an overwhelming desire to protect her from harm. He walked down to the window and stood next to her.

“The stars are beautiful.”

Laura jumped at the sound of his voice but somehow felt a calm wash over her she looked to her side and then back out into the blackness of space. “I used to think so.” Her voice was small.

“And now?”

Laura was silent for a few moments, gathering her thoughts. She glanced to her side and let out a breath. “I'm not so sure Commander. When its all you see for thirty-six days straight. When you have to make decisions to protect the people and you're not sure if you're right. Honestly, I don't know if I am cut out for this. I have to make people bait for the greater good. I'm not sure if I can do this.”

Bill listened intently as the President, as Laura, released her fears about the mission Bill stood next to her and was very straight with her. “One of the first things you learn at the Academy as a command officer is that people die and you have to be willing to send people to their death. It sounds harsh I know but this is war and in war people die.”

Laura solemnly nodded and then spoke “Tell me make these people cylon bait is the only way for this to work. Tell me they will be safe. Tell me all these doubts I'm feeling are normal.”

Bill resisted the urge to take hold of her hand and squeeze it. He smiled and turned to face her. “It's the only way. I can't promise that they will be out of harms way but they will be reasonable safe.”

Laura nodded, turned away and continued to stare out the window. “And the doubts, Commander?”

“They come with the job, Madame President. He gave her a smile supportive smile.

She stifled a laugh and smiled. “I know that much. Bait it is then.” Laura said as she turned and left the observation deck


”Bait it is.” Bill whispered still staring out at the stars as she left the deck.


Eleven

Laura watched the group of jovial officers enjoy themselves on the dance floor. It was nice to see this group of hardworking individuals have such a wonderful time. Laura wished she could join them in their celebration. Instead she sat and watched the young people of the fleet live it up and celebrate.

---

Colonial Day was just another holiday but he was a patriot, Bill Adama walked into the lounge on the Cloud Nice to the smooth sounds of Jazz and the sight of people enjoying themselves and each other's company. It was nice to see in such turbulent time. As he walked farther inside he took in the scene more closely. A number of his colleagues were at the bar and on the dance floor. Kara was at the bar and Lee was there as well. He watched them as the moved away from the bar and joined together on the dance floor. He couldn't help but smile. That's when he saw her; Laura Roslin was sitting alone nursing a drink at a table placed just off the dance floor. He started to walk over.

---

As Laura continued to watch the scene she could help but think back to her college days. Memories of nights in Karaoke Bars and previously celebrated Colonial Days flooded her mind and she smiled. Her musing were interrupted by a familiar voice. “Madame President, Good Evening.”

William Adama was standing next to her in full dress uniform and her heart skipped a beat. Why it did that she didn't know it had never happen before but he did look delicious. What! Where did that come from, Laura thought. Laura recovered quickly from her mental slip. “I thought you hated these kinds of things.”

“It's Colonial Day where else would I be? I'm a patriot.”

Laura looked at him, “You really are, aren't you?”

He smiled back and stared swaying on his feet. “And I can dance.” He extended his arm. She smiled, slid off her chair and wrapped a hand through his offered arm. He led her to the flood and put a strong and comforting hand around her waist and took her soft hand in his. They swayed slowly to the music as she relaxed in his strong embrace.

---

He was ever so gentle and she felt so safe in his arms. She felt as if nothing could bring them apart. She loved the way his felt around her waist. She was drawing much needed strength from him.

---

He was dancing with and angel and he didn't want it to end. He couldn't explain it. It reminded him of their dinner no so long ago, there was something about Laura Roslin that made him feel so happy. She was his strength. He was hers and that was the way it would always be no one could take it away.

He couldn't explain and neither could she. They didn't want to even try.

They both fell deeper into each other embrace and continue to float across the dance floor.


Twelve

“It's all real” Laura voice was strong. The scriptures are real, the prophecies are real, and the arrow is real. She need help to fulfill her part prophecy. Bill Adama's help. Yes, the cylons have occupied Caprica and it's a wasteland but if they send someone back in the raider to get the arrow then they could find earth. The prophecy would be fulfilled.

Bill Adama studied the recon photos and made his assessment. Laura could be right this could be Kobol. Bill suggested settlement on this planet. He noticed Laura seemed unsettled by the suggestion but what choice did they have- there is no Earth. The sweet sound of her voice brought him back to reality. Laura wanted to talk and it was sure to be a long one sided discussion that would soon turn to an argument.

---

Laura was strong in her convictions but fair in her discussion. She had to win. She knew it was the right thing to do and she knew it was a hard concept for Bill Adama to grasp. The arrow was real it wasn't a myth and they needed the raider to get it. Bill was weighing the cost. Laura knew in her heart that he was right. The raider was a military asset but the arrow was important and as much as she tried to impress that upon him Bill wasn't budging.

---

Bill listened to her but he couldn't get his mind around what she was suggesting. This side of her was new. Laura Roslin is a strong woman but this suggestion to chase after some mythical arrow to find a mythical planet was unacceptable. The answer was no. This wasn't happening.

---

People were trapped on Kobol. They had been ambushed by the cylons. A rescue mission had to be planed and the raider was going to be used. Laura had to act and fast. She walked away from the meeting with her mind made up. Laura knew what she needed to do, how it had to be done and whom she needed to do it. She also knew that her actions would cost her. The cost was high but it had to be done. The cost was her heart, Bill Adama. It was a heavy price but one she was willing to pay to safe humanity. If she was lucky she would have enough time to gain his friendship again before it was too late.


Thirteen

Home, Kara went home Bill's heart broke, bleed and was being ripped out as he answered Saul's question and thought about what just happened. Kara wouldn't have done this on her own. Laura must have manipulated Kara for her own personal gain. Kara had disobeyed him. Laura Roslin had betrayed him. She had betrayed his trust and his friendship. Bill climbed up to the second level of CIC. Saul followed closely behind. Their conversation was short however, it didn't stop the rage, hurt, and disappointment Bill felt towards Laura Roslin. She had coursed Kara and committed mutiny against him.

---

Laura took a breathe and gathered herself. The conversation with Bill took a lot of her energy. He asked for her resignation. Billy was right she crossed a line but if this government survived a cylon attack it can survive the wrath and pain of William Adama.

Laura knew she had done what was necessary however, hurt Bill Adama was. She stood her ground and was now surrounded by her own security as the marines were coming in fast. The marines pointing guns at her detail and her detail pointing back with their own. Laura noticed Lee flinch as Colonel Tigh began to speak. “No this is wrong.” Were the only words she was able to process before Lee pulled his gun and pointed it at Tigh.

Laura was suddenly horrified. This could end this way. She had already cost Bill his “daughter” and now his son had chosen her. This wasn't ending this way. She had to cool down this emotionally driven train. She took the high road. She tried to save Bill Adama some pain but Apollo had stood up for her. He had followed his “instincts” and committed mutiny against his father. No blood would be shed because of her. She fell on her sword and walked away with the marines.

---

Bill was stone faced, grave and silent. He gave the order to open the cell and she walked in without saying a word. The cell door shut. He stood fast and stared into her very soul. She didn't flinch. Her actions hurt him. He committed mutiny, pulled his son and “daughter with her. He turned without saying a word and left. Now he had to deal with his son.

---

He congratulated the pilots after walking passed his son offering Lee the same stone faced glare he had to Laura. Bill never got his chance to deal with his son. Mutiny it turns out was running rampant, Boomer two bullets in his chest and the pain that ripped through him was indescribable. He was falling into a fog, slipping farther away. As he continued to fall his last thoughts were of those closest to him. Laura, he had wasted some much time arguing. He never told her how he felt. Bill's last memory was Lee telling him to hold on. He had one choice but to obey his son. He would not mutiny today. He owed Laura and Lee that much. There was too much left to say to both of them.


Fourteen

Laura Roslin paced behind the bars. She was doing her best to stay calm but she wasn't being very successful. Galatica had gone to condition one and she had no idea why. A medical team was called to CIC and that make her heartbeat faster and the bile rise in her throat. Her thoughts flashed to Commander Bill Adama had he hurt his son because he helped her. Is that even possible? Could he harm Lee for standing up for democracy, for standing her? She lett the thoughts fester for a while and then dismissed them as absurd.

She sat down on the bunk and sent a prayer for strength to the Gods. She knew they would survive even though William Adama had stood against her and thrown her behind bars. Her faith in him remained steadfast. His anger would subside and they would rebuild their relationship. She had faith that even now he could pull them through whatever was happening in CIC.

---

Laura sat in worried silence, deep in though about the recent events for what seemed like an eternity then she heard the hatch to the Brig open. The Marines stepped through escorting a rather disrupted, irate and haggard Lee Adama. Laura jumped off the bunk, went over to the adjoining bars and held onto them for dear life. He stood before her clad in military issue tanks and sweats His arms were bathed in blood, but he didn't appear to have any wounds. She searched his deep blue eyes for answers. “Captain, what have then done to you?”

She didn't receive an answer, looking into his eyes again she was only greeted with pain. He was escorted to the cell with his hands bound. She watched as he stood helplessly with his hands outstretched through the bars.

“Could you take these off?”

The Marine guard looked sympatric but apologized said he couldn't. After Lee vented his frustration about the situation. He sat on his bunk with his back to her. He was covered in blood, a shell of the man she knew. She had to know what happened. “Captain Apollo, what happened?”

Laura wasn't sure she wanted to know but she needed to know.

“My father's been shot.” The words registered in Laura mind in slow motion. Everything around her was happening in slow motion. She gripped the bars tighter to stop herself from crashing to the floor in shock. Bill Adama had been shot. The blood on Lee's arms was Bill's. His father was shot. Laura couldn't breathe the room was closing in around her. Her knuckles were white with fear as she held the bars of her cell. Lee words had stopped but the pain remained and the room was still spinning.


Fifteen

When she was a little girl she was afraid of the dark. It's a normal fear for small children and as she got older it subsided, a normal reaction to a childhood fear. Right here today, as she walked down the blackened corridors of the Galactica to sickbay, with Billy and her marine guards the fear has returned.

She walked with the group and a cold, bone-chilling fear is running through her as she stepped over mutilated body after mutilated body. Laura wondered if these poor souls called out in fear as the metal machines summarily disposed of them

They heard the unmistakable sound of the enemy as the rounded the final corner toward aft damage control. The group hugged the bulkhead trying to stay out of sight. Laura's heart was in her throat. She had to make it through this but the situation seemed hopeless. All of the sudden a shot rang out. They all ran for cover from the approaching cylons. Laura tried to think of something anything but her impending demise. As the artificial steps came closer to the group, she closed her eyes and saw his face. Bill Adama he was smiling at her. He wasn't mad he was laughing. Laura held onto the image as she heard the shower of gunshots begin. Someone push her to the ground and covered her as an explosion rang out. After that there was silence Laura opened her eyes, expecting to see a bright light but instead it was still dark. She was alive, Billy was on the ground beside her and she felt someone pull her to her feet and check her for injuries.

Laura thought for certain she had nothing left to fear today. The cylons had been defeated but she was wrong. As she entered sickbay the fear that had left her earlier quickly returned as she laid her eyes on William Adama. The scar on his chest was horrid. He was so pale he didn't even look alive. The monitors by his bedside told her otherwise. She took his hand in hers and was shocked at how cold it was so shocked that a chilling fear ran thought her body. When she saw Captain Apollo approach his father's bedside she let go of Bill's hand.

Laura noticed that Lee's face also had the look that she had as a small child if it was a look of overwhelming fear. It was a fear of loss and she knew exactly how it felt she was experiencing it now. They stood over William Adama together in a silent vigil. Laura took time not only to pray for him and Lee. Colonel Tigh entered the isolation area and announced that Cottle was on the way. Lee nodded in acknowledgement; Laura stood stoically taking in the information they had just been given.

That when she first noticed that the exhaustion in Lee's eyes had turned to fear.

“You know he's gonna be all right..” She commented lightly. Laura said it to give him comfort but truth be told she was trying to comfort herself as well.

Lee looked up at her and answered, “yeah, I know that.”

Laura put on her best politician's face and turned to Colonel Tight. “I assume there is cell waiting for me.”

“That's right.”

“Very well then.” As Laura walked out the isolation area she looked back at William Adama fear washed over her again it was a fear that this would be the last time she would ever she him. A fear that she wouldn't be given the chance to make things right between them and she would never be able to tell him how she truly felt about him. She would never be able to tell him she loved him.


Sixteen

She was slipping away. She was becoming obsessed with the scrolls of Pythia. She needed to fulfill the prophecy. She no longer knew where she was. She had a difficult time concentrating on her goal. She needed sleep. She struggled to get on the bed in her cell. She was having uncontrollable visions now, when she was awake and when she was asleep. She was out of chamalla and it was starting to show. The shakes were the first sign, the sweating, lack of coherent thought and loss of concentration were the next. Laura was running out of time and loosing touch with reality.

When she closed her eyes she never knew what would greet her. Today the scene in front of her was out of focus. She could only her the sound of his voice calling her name. She ran as fast as she could to catch up to the sound of his voice. Then the fog lifted and revealed his face. “Take my hand Laura. Follow me.” She did as she was told she trusted him implicitly. She was walking down the mist filled corridors following him.

When the reached CIC He let go of her hand she looked around but could see anything it was pitch black. Then she saw him extend his hand and she took it once again. It felt wet and a shiving sensation ran down her spine. When she looked down at her hand it was covered with blood she screamed. He was standing in front of her covered in his own blood and reaching out to her. Lee was behind her he grabbed and turned her around. He screamed angrily at her. “YOU KILLED MY FATHER. This is all your fault. Now, watch him as he dies!” Lee pushed her to he knees next to the now fallen Bill Adama. Laura tried against all hope to stop the bleeding but there was just to much she couldn't stop it. She had killed him.

He was still breathing and beckoning her to come closer. She leaned down next to him with her ear pressed against his mouth and with his last breath he asked. “Why did you pull the trigger? You…” His head fell to the side and his eyes rolled back inside his head as blood trickled out of his mouth. Bill Adama was dead and Laura was the one who pulled the trigger.

Laura let out a blood-curdling scream as she sat straight up in her bunk. The sweet was pouring off of her and she desperately tried to regain control. That's when she heard his voice. Billy it was Billy. She walked over to the bars and talked to her aide as he supplied the words she needed but couldn't come up with.

“Madame President can I get you anything…chamalla.”

There was the magic word. Billy knew so well. “Yes, Billy quickly before the withdrawal kills me.”


Seventeen

Laura could think of only one thing when Captain Apollo told her what had happened on the Gideon. She needed to escape. She needed to bury her feelings for Bill Adama- whatever they were and whatever the meant and she needed to escape. Kara would bring the arrow. She needed a way out of her so she could rally support and go back to Kobol to find the map to Earth.

Her heart broke thinking about the possibility of escape surely if she did find a way it would drive a wedge deeper into and already busied relationship. She needed him to survive. She needed him here awake and alive right now. She needed him to walk through the hatch in front of her so she wouldn't have to go through with the plan that Apollo had set in motion.

She closed her eyes and buried her head in the pillow and she waited. She waited just like she was told but she wasn't ready for what happened next. Two men walked into her cell and physically carried her to freedom. Was it really freedom? No it was just the next step in her fight from humanities survival.

She bored the Raptor and looked over at clearly flustered Elosha and a determined but conflicted Captain Apollo. This was really. The were escaping Galactica and although she knew it was the right thing to do she couldn't help but think of William Adama, lying in sickbay fight for his life with no one to support him because of her. She took his family away from him because of her quest to save humanity. The madness that ensued after Bill was shot needed to be stopped. Yes, he put her in the brig. Yes, they disagreed but Laura Roslin had no doubt that if Bill Adama were up and around at this moment. She and Apollo wouldn't be running for their lives from the Galactica. She wouldn't have had to escape because the two leaders would have found a way to work out their differences.


Eighteen

William Adama never realized how difficult it was to sleep. At first it was the sound of his own heart beating that would cause him to wake. Now every time he closed his eyes he saw her face or heard her voice in his dreams. The pain that surged through his chest wasn't just from the bullets that had ripped through him. It was the thought of her the thought of never reaching reconciliation with the President more importantly with Laura. Laura, when did she stop being Madame President and start being Laura?

Bill Adama tried to explain love to Galen Tyrol but it is hard to explain something to someone else that you don't understand yourself. Love is thoughts that what it is. If you think you love someone, you love them. Thoughts, that it that all it is. The Thoughts surrounding one woman, with fiery hair and an inviting smile and her laugh that's what love is.

When Galen left he laid down and listened to the sound of his heart beating. It had been different since that day in CIC—broken. He has been obsessed with regaining the control that Sharon took from him but he hasn't been able to do it. He has became different his heart aches for his son and it aches for Laura because Laura walked away from him. He had told Tyrol that love was thoughts all the while still trying to convince himself of the very same thing.

Lee and Laura were hiding in the fleet away from him and it broke his heart to think that they felt they needed to hide. He needed to hear her voice, her laugh and see her smile. If love was truly thoughts as he had told his deck chief then perhaps he was in love with Laura Roslin.

----

This isn't exactly how she envisioned hiding from the Commander, she never really envisioned hiding from William Adama at all but here she was in a freezer with his son. She was alone at the moment. Lee was off in the back collecting his thoughts. Laura was doing the same. Zeus has returned to Olympus . Zarek had so eloquently put it and at the moment Laura lost her train of thought. Her heart stuck in her throat. When she closes her eyes she sees him smiling back at her and she has all she can do not to cry. She should be there with him but she knew what she was doing needed to be done. She was also sure that he would never forgive her for what she's done. She took his family away from him when he needed them the most.

---

She wondered as she recorded the message that would effectively put the nail in her coffin if they would ever be able to move passed her indiscretions or if their working relationship would be irrepealably damaged. Her thoughts are clouded with images of Bill Adama she can't escape them but she needed to do this to find a way to Earth to give people hope. She needed to do this and then she needed to repair her friendship with William Adama.


Nineteen

The bullets began to rain down as they entered the clearing Laura was quickly pulled out of harms way as the group answered the cylons. Laura looked on in horror as Elosha body lay in the center of the firestorm. Laura was weeping and praying for her friend at the same time.

When the fighting ended Laura approached Elosha's body and knelt down weeping. She had lost her confidant and friend. She couldn't help but remember her warning to the good as she picked up the book of scriptures. ‘a cost in blood.' The cost in blood had certainly been paid. She never imagined that the price would be so high. She felt a pair of strong arms come around her. They felt strangely familiar like the ones she dreamed of at nigh, but she knew they couldn't be.

The voice that accompanied those arms was that of Lee Adama and as the walked away and made camp at nightfall. Laura knew that even captain Apollo couldn't replace Elosha or his father for that matter. The pain continued to burn in her heart as she thought about him. She may never be able to regain Bill Adama's trust or friendship, if that what they had. Laura Roslin was truly alone.

---

Bill Adama had dismissed the person sitting with him and she hadn't moved. He sat there in shocked silence as she tried to reach him. Dee had crossed that imagery line that no officer dare cross with their CO. He had made sure she knew that and to her credit she sat there and took it no matter the cost to her. She made her point, took the consequences, and walked away leaving to his thoughts. Her comments wouldn't cost her much if anything at all because she was right children were separated from their parents. This fleet needed to be put back together. This fleet, his crew and his heart have paid a high enough price. It was time to swallow his pride, listen to his crew and put the fleet back together to put the family back together again.


Twenty

The morning air was brisk and the camp was awakened by a sound a sound that could only mean one thing. Someone or something was coming towards them. Laura was relieved when she saw him standing before them even more relieved when he drew his son towards him in a hug. The relieve turned to horror when Sharon came into the picture, Laura understood his reaction but she also knew they needed the cylon.

When they got him up after that altercation Laura helped him over to her tent. She was surprised how at ease she was with him and how easy it was to talk with him. She didn't ask him for forgiveness but she offered it anyway. Laura heart stopped aching and began to swell with admiration for this man in front of her.

---

When they walked away from the camp and began to talk together Bill heart began to mend. It had jumped into his throat when he first saw her and now all he wanted to do was tell her he forgave her, tell her how much she meant tohim and how much he loved her and move on. He didn't want to scare her away though so he settled for telling her how much she had given him and that he forgave her. He knew they needed to be united now as one, for the fleet to find away to earth. He was sure with the look he saw in her eyes that there would be more discussions on a personal nature to come but for right now she was focus and committed to finding he map to heart. They were united in the quest together.

She needed to find the map to Earth and now that he was here in front of her being honest with her. She had a new found strength to find the map. She was sure they would discuss more in the future; she needed to be honest with him now. She was dying and he needed to know before he committed himself to finding the map to her heart. Was it fair of her to offer to help him find the way to her heart? She honestly didn't know the answer, if she did it would only end in more heartache that she was sure they both had shared over these last weeks. This time she could help repair the heartache, she would cause it if they went too far and the damage would be permeate. She couldn't think about that now. She was a woman on a mission to find a tomb; to find a map to a place were humanity would be safe.


Twenty-One

Sometimes people have more then one face. This is true of Laura Roslin. First she has her Political face. The one she uses with quorum members and reporters. Then there is the teacher in her, she uses that when she is unhappy with the way someone is acting. Finally there is Laura herself sometimes there are two faces that come with her. The funloving, happy go lucky, sexy face and the serious, stressed out I can't take this anymore face.

The latter was the face she was wearing when he walked into her pirvate quarters. “I take it's not good, are they acusing us of having an affair.”

Laura craked a smile. “I wish.” Laura motioned for Adama to join her behind the desk and hit the play back button. Deanna Biers appeared and she was talking about the Gideon.

“That's wonderful.” The disgusted was evident in Bill's voice.

“Like I said to Billy, I'm so happy I fought for an independent press. We have to do something Bill. We have to show the people that the military can be trusted. We need to put a face on this that people will be able to identify with.

Bill Adama had a new found respect for the woman in front of him. They had a new kind of relationship now. One that was based on trust, companionship, they had become friends, close friends. He loved her and she loved him but they chose not to act for fear that it would again divide the fleet.

They each had their own baggage and each one was beginning to understand and get to know one another much better. They each had their masks they wore and Laura and Bill were beginning to be able to be themselves when they were alone but right now. Laura and Bill had to be President and Commander and they need to create a situation that would benefit their cause and the needs of the fleet. They needed to put a appealing face on the military and save its public image.

---

Laura was used to Commander William Adama and she was beginning to get used to Bill Adama. They were two entire different people. They each had different baggage and different masks they wore to cover their feelings. When Commader Adama stepped in to her private quarters he was drawn and tierd. Bill Adama was tried as well but Bill Adama was also happy to be in the company of his friend.

Laura put together a plan that would help the Commander and his crew with the fleet. This would have several benefits. The military would be in the civilians good graces, William Adama, Commander would be less stressed and Bill Adama would be more open to personal conversations thus Laura would be able have her friend and confident back.


Twenty-Two

Time was a luxury she didn't have. That was clear now looking at the test results in her hands. Whay had she wasted so much time. She knew how she felt about William Adama what was stopping her from telling him that she loved him? Time, that was what was stopping her. She didn't have the time to commit to a relationship. She didn't want him to get attached only to lose her. She was running out of time. She needed to tie up her affrairs and she needed to start with him.

---

What was stopping him from giving back the book that she just handed to him. The same book that he had given her only months before. She said she had had it it far too long that it belonged in his collection. Bill's heart stopped upon hearing her say those words he knew at that moment that he needed to hold on to her to the book because she was running out of time. She was leaving this world soon and him along with it. Time was their greatest enemy. He had so much he wanted to say to her, so much that he felt for her that she needed to know. He loved her and to this day his has never told her but is it fair to lay that on her now? Is he ready to admit his love for her only to loose her? With each question he asked himself Bill got the same answer. Yes, he was willing to endure the pain of loosing her, the pain was worth her knowing the truth.

----

The dedication ceremony was an emotional time for Laura. Bill could tell that she needed time to collect herself before rejoining the celebration. He followed her away from the crowd. She was overcome by emotion.

“They wanted to do that for you?”

“That's very nice of them.”

the reality of the situation hit both Laura and Bill like a tone of bricks They had very little time left together in this life. Bill and Laura made a silent pledge at that moment. They were going to make every precious moment count.


Twenty-Three

Laura stood next to Bill Adama in CIC was it a trap or was it really a Colonial ship. She had found that he had become an easy person to read. He wore his emotions well but you could always find out what he was thinking by looking in his eyes. His cobalt blue eyes told a horrifying yet somehow unbelievably lucky story. It was true it was the Pegasus. They weren't the only people left after all.

---

Laura and Bill had become closer since their exploits on Kobol. They were more open with each other now but Bill could tell at this moment that Laura was at a loss. Her face told a story of a composed politician happy to see more survivors of the human race. Her eyes told a different story. Her eyes were confused, lost, and even hurt. He was no longer her Fleet Commander that honor would now be bestowed upon Admiral Cain.

---

Yes, Sir .” The words rang in her ears. Laura knew at the moment that her life was about to change there would be no more late night conversations about the fleet or about finding Earth. There would be no more drinks and conversations about books. He no longer controlled his own destiny and there was nothing she could do to help him. She kidded with herself for a short time while the two officers were talking. Telling herself it was just protocol. Then she heard the woman speak.

“Madame President you look like I just shot you dog.”

Hardly, Laura didn't like this woman she came in here all high and mighty. She took away Bill's Command, his fleet there only chance of survival. Laura tried her best to look into his eyes. He wouldn't look at her she saw him take a breath and finally look her way.

“ The Admiral is my superior officer she will take full of the fleet.”

And there it was… the end of their world, as they knew it. She felt the wind come out of her lungs as he spoke those words. Laura could see it in his eyes he had no place in the fleet anymore at least not in his Commanding Officer's eyes.

Laura had all she could do not to run up next to him and gather him into her arms. This strong and caring man who would do anything to save his family . Laura couldn't look at him for fear her emotions would give her away. They have so little time and more is about to be wasted on this.

---

He explain the situation to her simply he had been taking orders his entire career this was no different. Laura begged to differ. This was different. They had come a long way they were able to talk to each other now but his words didn't tell the entire story and neither did hers.

Bill stood in front of the docking hatch trying desperately to convince her that everything would be all right. She had enough to worry about she didn't need to be worrying about him but he could tell just by looking in her eyes that it was too late. She was worried about him. She was worried about everyone. He knew she had been worried since the first day the three leaders had talked in his quarters. She wouldn't look into his eyes…he suspected that she couldn't. If Laura were able to look at him he was sure her eyes would have told the same story as his, if he were able to look at her. They were broken. They were weaker now because they were always stronger together, since Kobol that the way things were. He cared for Laura, hell he loved her, even if he wouldn't openly admitted it to her. He could tell that this ordeal and her illness were taking its toll on her. All he had to do was look in her eyes.


Twenty-Four

Laura stared at both of the people in front of her at this moment. The leaders of the fleet and they had lost control. Bill sat silently staring at his hands as the Admiral made her case. She didn't use kind words in her argument and she didn't look kindly on the ways that Laura and Bill had led the fleet. She acted as if she was the one that was in control of the situation. She painted Bill as the out of control junior officer but Laura knew better.

---

They were alone and neither of them had uttered a word yet. Laura sat deep in thought, Cain had to be stopped or she most certainly would let them all die but how where they going to regain control of the fleet?

---

Bill had a hard time grasping the entire situation he wasn't a murderer but apparently Cain was willing to go to any length to get what she wanted. Laura had said she was worried that Cain would get rid of him and leave the rest of the fleet behind. She called on him to do his duty.

He didn't have a hard time talking with Laura but as he looked into her eyes. He could tell her days were truly numbered. He could do nothing but be a friend and confident for her now. Bill could see the pain in her eyes; it wasn't because of the cancer it was because she could do nothing to help him regain control of the situation.

---

She was helpless; she was weak, too weak to do much of anything today. She could see the worry and other emotions in his eyes. Yes, it was true she was running out of time but she felt he was also running out of time. They had to kill Cain before she killed him. She put all her trust in the man before her, to safe his life, to save the fleet once again. She would sit back and be his support and send a prayer to the Gods to keep him safe and alive because he was her world and she hadn't had the chance to tell what he truly meant to her. She would send a prayer because that was the only control she had in their current situation.

---

When Bill started to walk out of the room Laura immediately felt alone, he was still there in the room and she felt alone. She needed his strength he needed hers. When she called his name he looked back at her. She could see the tears in his eyes. He was trying to hide them but she knew him too well. He was hurting the same way she was but for a different reason. He had no control over her condition, she was dying and he was worried. She had told him not to worry but he did anyway.

Laura had hope. She knew that this wasn't the end yet but she had to give him something to think about because he was still struggling with the situation. They were not murderers. Laura didn't want blood on her hands but she couldn't see another way.

“Commander she won't hesitate to kill you, don't let her.”

Bill looked back at her for a moment and then walked away. Laura knew that look well it said. I won't let it happen . They had no control over either situation they were wrestling with but for some reason the look in his eyes made Laura feel a little more at ease and dare she say in control.


Twenty-Five

Bill wasn't sure what possessed him to do it; it just felt like the right thing to do. He was never good with words when it came to women but actions do speak louder than words. He tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes then he stopped thinking. He had done too much of that lately, it was part of the reason they had lost so much time together and he knew it was time to throw caution to the wind.

----

She felt his fingers guiding her chin. She resisted but only for a moment because she didn't trust herself. He helped her to stand and the feeling of his strong arms around her body sent a shiver down her spin and a warm sensation to her heart. They had wasted so much time dancing around the issue. She looked into his eyes, there was a mischievous glint to them. She knew he was planning something but she couldn't figure out what it was.

----

Laura's skin was soft to his touch and her lips were warm and inviting. He closed his eyes and let sensation take over. The kiss was loving and soft. It spoke volumes it said, thank you, I care for you, you are my world, and, please don't go. It was short but when they broke apart, he couldn't help but smile, neither could she.

---

Laura wasn't expecting this to happen. His lips were warm and the kiss was just perfect. It was sweet and full of love. It was natural, not forced and when it was over she couldn't help but smile. William Adama had pulled another fast on her and she loved him for it. They smiled at each other for what seemed to be an eternity and then reality set in, she was exhausted, she couldn't stand alone anymore and she was dying.

They both shed tears through their smiles, tears of sadness and joy. Sadness because they both knew this was ‘their' good-bye; joy because they finally gave into their feeling, in actions if not in words. The kiss was their moment together, their way of saying that they care for each other and Bill's way to say thank you.

--

Laura turned to leave the room still relying heavily on Bill's arm and his grip didn't subside until Billy had a hold of her. She was thankful that she had turned away because more tears left her eyes as she felt Bill's grip melt away. This was the end they both knew it.

Bill held onto her as long as he could. He tried telling himself it was to support her, to help her until Billy had a hold of her it was, but in truth, it was to offer her strength to hold on. He was willing her to live and dealing with his own pain because he knew if he let go that it would be the last time he ever held her in his arms and he didn't want the moment to end just like he didn't want the kiss to end.


Twenty-Six

Bill sat alone in the darkness nursing a glass of scotch. He hadn't thought about until now but the last time he did this she was sitting across from him doing the same. The mood was the same as it was now, melancholy at best. She was dying and he was in pain. They had always been at odds but in the end they acted as one, a united front, they had learned from their mistakes and were one person with one mindset.

Bill Adama was alone now and trying to get used to it. He was doing all he could not to think about her. She was laying in sickbay, alone, one person on a journey of solitude. He couldn't travel the journey with her she would be going alone and he wouldn't be bringing her back. He couldn't. They had spent the last months rebuilding what the lost but now it was time for them to begin their journeys alone.

----

Bill could deal with it there would always be a hole in his heart, a hole that only Laura could fill and when he spoke to the crew he talked of prayer and thoughts and as he finished he couldn't help himself his words caught in his throat and his emotions showed through. He didn't want this to be the end. He wasn't ready to be the only one.

---

He sat in his quarters book in hand. Dark Day. It was ironic really, he had given this to her as a gift, a peace offering, this was the first symbol of their relationship. Now, he couldn't bring himself to turn the pages, he sat their on the couch with glass in hand and the book in front of him and he couldn't open it. It reminded him of her and it was too painful to think about. They hadn't always been one but since Kobol they were united, together, Laura Roslin would always hold a special place in his heart but when she was gone he was cease to be one and he would become half the man he was at this moment in time.


Twenty-Seven

The first time he saw her it was twenty-four hours after the procedure that saved her life. She was clearly drawn and still exhausted but she had a look of determination was back in her eyes.

They talked about the cylon collaborator that was residing in Galactica's brig and he stood with her every step of the way as she confronted the man. They were together again and nothing was going to tare them apart.

---

Laura woke up, showered, dressed and collected her notes and file for her morning meeting on the Galactica. She still felt tired but she was improving a little each day. Her recovery was progressing as expected. When she arrived at his quarters William Adama greeted her warmly at the hatch.

---

Bill couldn't help but keep and eye on her from his desk as she organized her notes. She looked more alive than he had seen her in months. She was making a remarkable recovery. He was never one to believe in the Gods by they had given him a gift. Laura was alive and well and he couldn't help but wonder when would be the right time to make his move.

---

As the meeting wore on Laura noticed that William Adama's eyes were wandering. He was watching her every move closely almost as if he were afraid that she would break at any moment. She had to smile inside; he actions were really very sweet. She cared for him deeply and was eternally grateful to Hera for helping her get the second chance at life but she wasn't ready to jump off that cliff quite yet. She was still trying to recover from her ordeal both personally and professionally she needed more time before she gave her heart to someone.

---

Bill Adama trusted his son, he would watch over the black market but that didn't make this meeting an easier, earlier today he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. He was afraid that she would break at any moment because she was still recovering from her illness. Now he couldn't even make eye contact with her as she tore into them for the way they had chosen to handle the black market. She had made a remarkable recovery. Bill Adama was certain that when the time was right for both of them, they would sit down and have the conversation they had been dancing around since the end of the world but he knew that meeting wouldn't be anytime soon the way she was treated them now.

---

Laura sank into her chair tilted her head  up to the ceiling and closed her eyes as the Adama men exited the room. The meeting didn't go well she never imagined that the two men she trusted with her life would act like such idiots. She never imagined that the man that had her heart would treat her the way that he did but then again she never did tell William Adama that he had her heart. She hadn't had the time but since her recovery it was on her list of things to do. It would seem that that conversation would have to be pushed back. She needed time to get her professional agenda and her personal emotions in check before confronting him on a personal matter such as this.


Twenty-Eight

They were doing this to survive but survival has a cost now a days. It is too high a price but they need to recoup their losses and this is the only way. Laura waits for him in his quarters. She feels guilty in some respects using this time of peril when they are away from the main fleet for her own personal gain but she values William Adama, he is a good friend and he will give her a straight answer. She was the bearer of the good news/bad news today and she knew his schedule like the back of her hand after all they had been doing this for weeks. He would get off his CIC shift, come to his quarters, take off his uniform jacket, read the causality reports and drowned his sorrows in some ambrosia. She would sit and drink with him. She would drink to the sacrifices of his crew to help them reach Earth.

---

He read report after report with the same results pilots dead, vipers lost. The vipers could be replaced and they were being replaced but pilots, pilots were a different story. There were only so many of them left and they were losing pilots everyday they were out here but that was the price of survival. If he had to do this over again, he would do the same thing his rationalization didn't make the reality of the situation any easier. The survival of the human race was paramount this mission was commissioned so that the fleet and thus the human race would be able to survive but the cost of the mission was high. Scar was too good for them.

William Adama's only comfort was Laura Roslin and even she could not take his pain away. These pilots served him, they served the fleet and they were paying for survival with their lives.

Laura hadn't been able to get him to open up about it yet she wasn't sure if she would ever be able too and they were still dancing around the real issue eating at them both, their feelings and the dance continued every time one of them wanted to bring it up the timing never seemed right. Today, this minute, during this mission was hardly the time so instead of confessing her love for him or his for her they sat together, comforted one another, and drank to the memory of his brave man and woman who made the ultimate sacrifice in the name of survival


Twenty-Nine

Laura Roslin stood frozen in the corridor in front of the morgue. She couldn't push the door open that would just make it real. The mere thought of Billy lying on a cold metal slab made her ill. She reached up a touch the door ever so lightly and then brought her hand back down to her side. She couldn't… but she had to. Her hand was shaking as she placed it against the door and pushed it open. She stepped through the door and leaned up against and let out a breath she was holding. It was real, she was here it wasn't a dream. She mustered all the strength she possibly could, looked up across the room, and saw William Adama standing over the body of the ‘thing' he gave the Abenal women. The resolve she had gained when she stepped in her turn immediately to anger. Anger directed towards none other then the man standing before her She walked toward him, shaking with anger and grief.

”Is this what you gave them?”

William Adama didn't look at her. He couldn't. He glanced to the side. “It was a calculated risk.”

“Is that what you call it? Well it wasn't worth it Admiral.” The mask she had put in place upon walking into the morgue was crumbling. Billy was not a calculated risk. Billy was her family the only family she had left. This man standing before her, a man she thought she loved let her down. His calculated risk cost her, her ‘son.' The man who over the past eight months had gained, violated, and regained her trust had taken advantage of her and their relationship for the last time. This man whom she wanted desperately to hold in her arms was the reason she was walking into the corner, pulling out a stool to sit with her dead ‘son.' She couldn't stand to look at, let alone talk to William Adama anymore because he caused this to happen. Yes, she loved him but she was so angry with him that she couldn't think about loving or professing her love to him. This was the price of Bill Adama calculated risk.

---

Bill stood over the body of the cylon. It was a calculated risk and he was caught. Abenal was right the consequence were on his head. Billy's death and Lee's injury were both his fault.

He didn't turn around when he heard the door open behind him; he just continued to stare at the cylon. He could feel Laura's presence in the room; he knew she was walking toward him. She stopped a looked at him the look on her face reminded him of Caroline's after Zak died. It was filled with pain and grief but mostly it was the anger in her eyes, the emotions she wore were all the same, but the circumstances were different. Bill just wanted to gather her up in his arms and help her grief for Billy. He wanted to help take away her pain but he couldn't because he caused her pain. He choices and actions are what have put them in this position.

He loved her but as he watched Laura rearrange the hair on Billy's forehead and brace herself against the wall to stop from falling he knew any chance they had to be honest about their feeling for one another was gone. Any chance they had died the moment his calculated risk, cost her the only family she had left in this world.


Thirty

Laura had seen this look on Bill Adama's face before. It was a look that told her he had something to say but didn't want to say it because it would inevitably lead to an argument. He didn't know how she would respond to what he would say. She had to admit the look was strangely attractive and his actions were charming when he was like this. She needed to break the silence, she needed to know what was on his mind and she silently hoped it was what she was thinking to herself. She silently hoped they would be able to get their feeling out into the open and let this relationship grow damn the consequences.

“What?' She looked deep into his eyes willing he to speak his mind.

Bill watched her body language as she put her feet up on the table in front of where they were seating. She knew there was something on his mind and she looked determined to find out exactly what it was. She really was very cute when she was like this perhaps his charm would soften the blow because he was sure that what he was about to say she wasn't expecting. He glanced up at the whiteboard mounted on the wall bind her and stared down at his glasses. It has to be said and he has to be the one to say it.

“The fact is that number doesn't go up very often.”

Definitely not the conversation she was hoping to have . The meaning of what he was saying sank in and Laura thought about his words for a moment. No, no she wouldn't do this she couldn't do it. It was the right thing to do, but women deserver their rights.

“I fought my entire political career for a woman's right to control her own body. No…No…”

---

Laura Roslin sat alone after Bill Adama left the fact was he was right that number behind her didn't go up that often. He had thrown her own words back at her in a matter of speaking.. The number behind needs to start going up. This train of thought goes against everything she believes in but the number is what matters. This action could be the end of her presidency but she has to go through with it

When she woke up this morning she figured that it would be a normal day but it wasn't she was thrown in the middle of this asylum fight with Bill Adama at her side and instead of professing her love to him, she was in front of a microphone going against her own beliefs.

---

Bill Adama was planning on having that much needed personal talk with Laura today but instead of being Bill and Laura today they had to remain President and Admiral. He had to bring the asylum petition to her attention and dive deeper into the world of politics then he cared to do. Their numbers needed to go up it was as simple as that and he needed to be the bearer of this news to the President.

He listened to her decree and appeal to the fleet. This issue was a powder keg and he knew it was a difficult decision for her to make. In the end, this was the only one she could make and he supported her as any good friend, military officer and lover would do. The decision she made would help them to increase their numbers and survival was all about numbers. Bill Adama's only regret was that he couldn't personal help Laura Roslin increase those numbers.


Thirty-One

A decision had to be made. Should the cylon be allowed to raise her child? Laura was torn. This child in front of her wasn't supposed to be alive but Bill had overridden her order and the child saved her life.

This little child whose hand she is holding gave her life. Laura had the time she needed to lead her people to be with Bill—if she could find the courage to tell him how she felt.

Laura's personal life wasn't on the table at the moment. She had to decide what to do. This child would become a pawn in a very dangerous game if she were not protected. The cylons must not know she exists.

She knew her decision would not go over well but it had to be done. Laura would meet with Tory and Doctor Cottle to set things in motion. They would be the only ones that would know the truth. This child saved her life and for that she would always be eternally grateful. Laura would protect this child at all costs, if for no other reason then to protect her people, no matter the personal cost.

Laura brushed her finger against the child's hand and tearfully said her thank you before leaving sickbay for a meeting she knew had to happen. She had to face Adama and Baltar and they had to make a decision. A decision they could live with about this child's future. She knew the outcome of this meeting before she ever left sickbay—her decision had been made. Her hands would be the ones the future of little Hera and William Adama would never know the truth. Hera would soon be dead to those that knew of her existence. She would be dead to all but a select few.


Thirty-Two

The laughter started long before the debate preparations. It was one of Laura's nervous habits. She laughed when Bill admitted he was a cylon, she laughed when he said her name for the first time. She laughed the first time he told her what she meant to him, although looking back, he never did use the word love.

It was not a surprise when Bill handed her the glass of water that she began to giggle. Some people may take it as a bad sign that the lead political candidate for the Presidency is spending her final moments of preparation time laughing at nothing in particular but Bill wasn't worried by this turn of event and neither was she.

He sat back and watched as this normally, calm, cool and collected woman stood in the middle of his living quarters ripping index cards and throwing them in the air until they landed haphazardly on the floor. Bill thought she looked rather cute in that moment. He watched her now go from composed politician to a cute nervous wreak it 1.2 seconds. He had to smile at the scene before him. It was good to she her relax for once; it was good to hear her laughter again. He had missed it.

She had been working overtime since he recovery. She hadn't taken a step back to enjoy life. Bill had offered his support in everyway he could during her recovery and she was eternally grateful for his love and support. She was committed to her cause beating Baltar had become her number one priority and even though he couldn't say it publicly he was behind her every step of the way.

He offered her is arm as the walked out of his quarters to the debate. She was laughing every step of the way and her laughter was infectious. Bill couldn't hold his own laughter at bay. When they turned the final corner leading to the pilots' ready room, he stopped her for a moment. He let go of her arm to follow at a discreet distance not to arouse suspicion.

“You're ready…Knock'em dead.” He grasped her arm one final time in support and smiled.

She smiled back, before composing herself, straightening her jacket one final time before walking through the door to work her own game of political magic.


Thirty-Three

Laura Roslin stepped off the Raptor onto the muddy soil of New Caprica. The funny thing was it looked nothing like the Caprica she remembered.

Six months had now passed and she was lonely. Laura Roslin, newly appointed schoolteacher and former President sat alone in her tent day dreaming of a different time. She longed for a time when she would laugh and a time when she would have intellectual conversations over a good meal. A time when Bill was at her side and matching her verbal punch for verbal punch but that time was gone now and this “pit stop” was now a way of life with no end in sight. Humanity was moving forward and losing ground all at the same time. Each day new lives began while others ceased to exist. All this was going on around her and Laura felt like she was standing still. He was not here with her and she could feel the difference. She needed the adult companionship but Baltar had exiled her to this rock away from him, the only person she had come to care about in this existence since the end of the world. Baltar had exiled her for a reason to keep an eye on her and to keep her away from William Adama and William Adama away from her.

She would oftentimes look up into the sky and wonder what he was doing while Galactica and Pegasus were standing guard over them. She wondered if he was happy or sad? Would he be able to find away to join her? Could they be together and have a chance to explore what they both desired? She couldn't answer the first few question herself but her answer to the last was always the same. No Baltar would never allow it—he was too afraid of the power that Bill and Laura possessed.

Life goes on, even though it wasn't as rosy as she would have hoped she did all she could to keep her mind off William Adama. She still had her students and her students were the ones that kept her going. The student became her life and the day the cylons came—her life ended as she knew it.

As the cylons marched down the marketplace with the colonists looking on in disbelief Laura looked up to the heavens hoping and praying for help to come but she knew better. The Galactica and Pegasus had jumped away the People of New Caprica were abandoned but not for long.

Laura knew better then to give up hope. William Adama would return for them and for her.

--

William Adama stared hopelessly at the Dradis Console he knew this day would come and it has. He spent months trying to convince President Baltar that this would happen and now it had. Baltar never took his advice and now they were totally outnumbered there was nothing they could do.

Bill's blood ran cold thinking of Laura down on that planet. He promised her when she left he would protect her. He stopped short at admitting that he loved her and now he wished he hadn't. He wanted her to know that he truly did love her and that he would fight for her. He would protect her and protect them all. He would stay and fight the cylons. He wouldn't let the people on New Caprica down and he wouldn't let Laura down. He stood frozen in CIC, looking at the Dradis Console, with the phone pressed against his eye. He could hear Lee's voice and his words. He wanted to disagree with his son but he knew Lee was right. They are in no condition to fight but he can't just leave them all here. He can't abandon Laura. He has so much he wants to tell her.

Lee continued to harmer home the situation and Adama had to give in. He knew in order for the human race to survive they had to jump. As the jump begin to pull them away to safety William Adama's heart is broken into one million pieces. He broke his promise to her he left her in the hands of the cylons. He abandoned her… he abandoned them all but he will return.

End