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Hades Takes A Hand

By Howard J. Howe

Word Count: 2,629
Date: 3 March 2008
Series: ----
Rating: M
Category: Humor/AU
Pairing or Focus: Original Characters
Warnings: Dark humor
Summary: Hades discovers Iblis plans for the Colonies and unable to make the rest of the twelve take notice turns to alternate means to spoil Iblis master plan.
Spoilers/Disclaimers: I owe nothing in full or part of those portions of the story owned by those people the law says owns it. The form of the twins are based off of a minor godlet from SM Sterling's Saber and Shadow and the twins followers are based upon the characters from the movie Gremlins we so love from our youth.


The main hall of the great fortress existed in shadows cast by the roaring red fire at one end. Smoke of wood and coal mixed and with the smell of blood and things that should not burn. Carvings, weapons and trophies lined the walls of the room.

The room was a place of entertainment and refuge for Hades lord of the underworld, to think and too meet his Lieutenants and to plan. Meetings like the one that had just concluded. As the doors closed on Hermes; Hades spoke, “Iblis oversteps himself and the others are too locked up on the Terran-Raptor front to bother.”

Not being clear as to what Hades meant the major domo replied with a bland, “yes, my lord.”

“While the Twelve tribes have offended us by making these Cylons the Cylons… offended us by declaring there is only one God. Iblis greed for power knows no bounds, take these extensions he is giving his pets...” He paused as anger turned to thoughts of ways through the problem. The confidence in Iblis plans bordered on arrogance and while he like to welcome the Colonials and Cylons to his realm just not in so many numbers that they never came again. But what to do…,”the lord of the underworld spun the two forked spear in his hands lazily for several minutes, “I think… not the total annihilation he and the Cylons would have. The Tribes need a strong lesson in war and common pain to meld them more together and shake them out of their complacency. Especially, if we can use these plans to teach the Raptors and our esteemed Count Iblis a lesson in humility.”

“How will the Raptors fit into this plan my lord? They are far away and fighting that homeworld faction of humans.”

“Yes they are. But what of it? Have not the Raptors given me offense a dozen times over?”

“Of course my lord, but if you interfere with Count Iblis plan will he not try to unseat you?”

“Others have tried and so has Count Iblis in the past. I am still here. But he will only be able to move if I take personnel action in the mater.” He said with a lazy almost predatory smile. “Chance and chaos are so unpredictable…the two score years are almost up and I feel…magnanimous.”

“My lord you can't be thinking of letting them out!” Bleated the soft round man as his face paled in terror at the prospect of whom he suspected Hades was talking about letting out. Bad enough what they could do from behind bars, if they where let lose …he broke into a sweat just thinking about the Chaos that would follow.

“Yes I am, but with limits . They should enjoy those limits…it will challenge them. Send for my half brothers, the twins…and for Hermes. I will be with my wife,” he said motioning to a form asleep on the furs before the fire, “bring them too us before dinner.”

“Yes, My lord,” said the major domo swallowing his fear at the mention of Hades half brothers by his mother Rhea. The younger of the twins was destructive, the other elegant and timed beyond reason. Together…to have them released from Tartarus then brought before Hades did not bode well for the universe. But why would he want to see Hermes?


Several hours later, after Hermes had left bearing several messages and returned the major domo brought Hades brothers before him. The tall red haired green eyed men showed their titian heritage more then their younger half brother. Each had eight arms and two legs all chained in silvery-green metal to a waist belt to hobble their movements and each further chained to a ring in the floor behind them. Each looked wary and unhappy, their three inch tusks twisting their sullen expressions in to ones of malice.

Hades glanced up from where his hands had been tracing themselves across Persephone's curves and limbs at his half brothers. His smile changes in a way that both brothers do not trust. The guards withdrew at Hades gesture and both grew wary. Hades had always been a strange one to them sometimes for and sometimes against them. Persephone pouted at Hades leaving her to deal with first Hermes interruptions and now his half brothers and made complaint of the fact.

Hades soothed her with soft words and complex strokes that brought a smile to her lips and made her shudder in interesting ways. Then he looked back and contemplated the two immortals being chained to the floor of the hall. It had been forty years since their defeat and capture by Apollo at the start of the First Cylon War (abetted by a betrayal by Iblis). A capture, aided by Hades, which at a stroke had deprived the Gremlin Hordes of their most diabolic and cunning leaders, though Spike still lashed out at both he could not control all of the Hordes and they had been thrown into their natural state of anarchy and indiscriminant attacks on machinery of both sides, allowing the Cylons too be fought to a stand still. With the wars end the Gremlin Hordes where much reduced by Iblis's campaign of relentless extermination and the humans ability to take pains they had not been able to before, they where still a potent and dangerous force. One on which countless plans had fallen apart on before.

Hades stood up from the reclining Immortal women by the fire. And gave her a goblet from the meal tray a servant had set down near by. Only then did he robe himself and collecting his own goblet turn to walk closer the dozen yards to stand before his half brothers, he stood with his sandaled foot on a locked chest at the foot of his throne.

“Brothers, I trust that Tartarus has lived up to its reputation.”

“Fuck you,” snapped one of the brothers. The other simply hacked a lug up and deftly into Hades goblet. Hades looked amused and handed the goblet to a servant to empty and clean.

“I see that it has,” drinking of the new goblet brought by another, “the twelve thought that your work for Iblis at the beginning of the last war went too far. I agreed…at the time…and have kept you my prisoners because of that. Yet still the work of you Hordes goes on.”

“Good!,” snapped the younger brother, “I hope they have kept you busy.” The other far more patient one merely stood and let his younger brother speak.

“Many souls they have brought into my realm, even the new Cylon souls. But now Iblis goes too far. His tone has become arrogant.”

“Like yours was anything but.”

“If he wins final victory then none of the rest of us will exist for very long. He will have far too much power to stop…and there would be no place in his universe for the likes of you two. Why did you side with him anyway?”

The two looked uncomfortable and looked at each other for a time. Finally the elder spoke softly.

“Two sisters, twins like us. Humans kept as slaves in his fortress. He had them as prisoners before the war.”

That fit Hades perceptions of the events and made far more sense. Iblis had less love of the twins then any other immortal and without powerful leverage the twins where near impossible to control. But forty years was a long time for mortals in this part of space. “Who? Maybe they are here in my realm. Tell me their names.”

The elder twin leaned forward and whispered the names to Hades. Hoping that Hades did not yet know the names and waited as Hades looked inward and surveyed his realm. The images of two women appeared and the twins slumped as the realized the hope they had had for forty years was forever dashed.

“The elder...has a place in Elysium; the younger has crossed the Acheron and is before the judges. Most likely to join her sister,” he mused impressed by the strength of the souls he sensed. The history of their actions and adventures flooded through his mind and he was impressed . “They fought and connived their way to freedom some time ago. The Gremlin Hoards…where disinclined to act against them or their children and grandchildren. Their and I see now your descendents have prospered and honor their memories from the ranks of the Hospitlars.”

After some time lost dealing with the feelings within themselves both brothers looked at each other and had an intense if silent conversation for several seconds, then hardened their expressions in agreement.

“They will pay...the Cylons and Iblis will pay for the years lost to us!,” spat the younger twin.

“So will you and your friend's , brother for the chains placed on us when we had no choice but to act as we did,” said the elder twin, “we have claim against you and the others!”

Hades thought as he took another swallow of wine. After along moment he spoke softly. “A just claim brother but all claims can be balanced…especially when they can be used to collect another debt. Is that not true?”

“What debt? Iblis is our debt and the Colonies have been at peace with the Cylons…”

“The Cylons will attack the Twelve Tribes in less then eighteen months and the Colonies are so militarily unprepared that they will not last a full day. Iblis has shown the machine minds many new skills stolen from the other immortals and humans alike.”

Hades extended a glowing sphere from his rob and in a few short minutes the brothers had been “shown” the history of the two score decades of their time in prison and everything of Iblis plan that Hades had been able to glean.

“He would destroy everything here so as to remake the universe in his image,” spoke the elder twin with awe and revulsion.

“Pure order! No place for Chaos, our Gremlins or our children and grand children,” said the younger twin with fear, “but the Cylons under Iblis are too strong to take action against directly and their plans to far gone to turn. The Twelve Tribes are almost gelded…the Gremlins are too weak…”

“What do you propose brother, to repay your debt to us,” said the elder twin with cold bright eyes, “too redress the balance .” The twin's eyes both burned at that one thought that had always moved Hades in the past. The balance between good and evil among the mortals and the half mortal off spring

Hades smiled, “First, I will over look your…activities while in Tartarus and with magnanimity give you both… unconditional release and safe passage from my lands .”

“And?” spat the younger twin.

“Tools and knowledge for your decedents and the Gremlins equal to that given by Iblis to the Cylons…plus a little more”

“And,” said the Elder twin testing to see if there was more, Hades smiled and kicked the lid of the chest back to show the contents to the twins. Both hissed in delight and strained to reach the chest but the ring in the floor behind them held firm. The major domo yelped in shock at what hey saw.

“Your tools plus a few new tools for your use against Iblis from the other Immortals, of the twelve only Athena and Hephaestus sent gifts but…Eros of the lower circle has sent the peculiar poison of his arrows for your campaign. And I will grant you a day and night with the ones you have missed so much. At my direction Thanatos will grant you a hundred slayers,” both brothers hissed at that small of a force, but hid the joy at the thought of a full day “for…key point actions…just before and during Iblis little offensive.”

Both brothers looked at each other and after a long moment the Elder spoke.

“It is agreed,” said the elder twin, “this will redress your debt with us. But Iblis…I do not know. Even with your hundred slayers and those gifts. I can only say that what can be done will be done.”

The chains of both brothers fell to the floor and both stretched for the first time since their capture. After much bone and joint popping the twins began emptying the chest. The younger brother strapped tools, pouches and vials of various substances to the harness he strapped on. The Elder brother put an a simple belt and after carefully winding and setting the dozen devices hung several types of watches to his belt. As each picked another tool out of the chest power flowed back into them. At last a dozen glowing bulbs where quickly consumed and they both cackled at the new possibilities that the knowledge given them provided.

Soon a glow of red light filled their eyes and a predatory glee filled the small giggles that escaped their lips. Plans and timing of actions swirled between them along that peculiar link of theirs.

“He is very good at taking pains even in the face of our direct assaults,” said the younger twin.

“Then do not meet him in battle,” said Hades “Iblis is aware as the rest of us are that these humans are but a drop in the sea of humanity. But he and I have both seen that they hold the future of the rest of humanity in their very survival. It is not that all need survive but that enough survive to continue to be a people of power. Use your gifts for Chaos to give life to the Twelve tribes, both its warriors on the field and the civilians. Use the stealth of you Gremlins to blind their sensors and corrupt the data feeds of a few of the Cylon attackers…find and direct the Hoards against the weaknesses of the Cylons.”

“A war of shadows not armies then,” said the elder twin, “You have learned much from us...little brother.” Hades shrugged of the jib. It was true after all. The elder twins mind whirled at the possibilities that he and his younger brother could use to bring about the stated goal that Hades contemplated.

“Yes, my major domo will see you to your women and then at the end of that time escort you to Charon's ferry. Good luck and good hunting brothers.”

Hades shook their hands and walked back toward the fire place, his dinner and his wife, winters where not time for war in his opinion. He had not noticed the slight twist in energy that touching his elder brother's hand had made in him.

The younger twin noticed when the elder giggled as they walked out of the room.

“What's got you so happy?” Glitch asked his elder brother Murphy.

“Timing little brother,” said Murphy gleefully. At his brothers quizzical look he said with a melodious and mock joyful whisper, “Revenge does not need to be in blood or pain and this will last so much longer then a wounding.”

Glitch looked at his brother his puzzlement grew even more profound. Murphy leaned over and whispered in his brothers ear his voice filled with total innocence and total malice.

“Triplets!” Murphy said almost softly…almost with love.

Glitch blinked then looked back at Hades disrobing and letting himself down besides his wife and thinking of Persephone with triplets and what she would do to Hades…he began smiling in the same twisted way as his brother. Both brothers burst into deep malicious and humorous laughter at Murphy's little “gift” as they left the great hall.

Across the universe the Gremlin Hoards heard the bellowing laughter of their Masters ringing from the Underworld and began drifting toward them adding their own malicious glee to the Masters bellowing mirth.