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The Impossible Dream

By Cyndi "Wingnut" Smith

Word Count: 1,158
Date: 2004
Series: Mini
Rating: T
Category: Challenge
Pairing/Focus: Lee, Kara
Spoilers/Disclaimers: Lyric: Joe Darion

I looked out the window; I wanted desperately to awaken from this nightmare. I had to wake up so I could make the transport ship back home for Moms Wedding. I am all she had left. It is my job to give her away. Give her to someone who could love her the way she needed to be loved, the way the military would not allow my father to do, the way that the military would not allow me to do, but this is not a dream it is not a nightmare it is all too real.

To fight the unbeatable foe

I couldn't get rid of my anger. Did anyone care? Did anyone know what it was like for me to be trapped with rage and sorrow pealing away at my insides like one might do to the outer skin of a piece of fruit. So far I have taken it out on everyone but the one whom I feel truly deserves my ire, me.

To bear with unbearable sorrow

Continuing to walk down the corridors, I keep my eyes front, my salutes solid and my walk brisk. No one would know fire that burns with in me. My waking nightmare was keeping me up at night and forcing me to lead a group of brave men and women to most certain death.

To run where the brave dare not go.

Missiles lit up the dark sky like a holiday light show, unmanned rockets and fighters against all too human controlled vipers. I can not give up I will not give up. Another flash lights up the darkness, and another pilot has paid for the debt of freedom with his or her life.

To right the unrightable wrong

"I want all my pilots to return" he said. I knew what was requested was impossible but I also knew what he really meant by those words. "YOU return, we are all we have left." Another flash of light I am sure I will not be able to give my father what he asked of me. I watched a nuke squirm its way from what seems like the other side of the world with one goal, to kill me and complete my failure.

To love pure and chaste from afar

Kara's timing is impeccable, but it always has been. Just when I was ready to tell her how I felt, she told me she loved my brother. Then Zac died, I hoped we could maybe be there for each other but she left the school to fly under my father's command, the one I held most responsible for my brother's death. Then the world ended and I found myself among the survivors. Sometime later I found she was among the survivors too. She touched my hand and for one brief moment I thought maybe there was a chance for rebirth, then she told me it was she who unconsciously made it possible for Zac to be in the aircraft that would take his life. Odd, how it was Kara who passes through my mind as I saw the warhead barrel down at me, odd indeed. More so, since it was Kara who destroyed the missile just moments before it would have taken my life. Yes, Kara's timing is impeccable.

To strive when your arms are too weary

Life would be so much easier if I could just go home. But now I had no home to go back to, right? I might not even make it back to the ship. No engine, Hell, there is no left rear, but the guns work and I can at least maneuver in a slow arch to the right. Suddenly, home, any home, looks further and further away.

To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest

To follow that star.

No matter how hopeless.

No matter how far.

I promised him I would return, and I did, though it was through no effort of my own. Starbuck again was there to save my useless ass. How many times does that make? It took them nearly 30 minutes to get us out of our cockpits. I don't know which is more painful the initial smack as she threads the needle and you hit the upper plate of the landing pod that is closing around you, the slam of hitting the deck hard and fast, the impact of the wall as your momentum is brought to an abrupt halt and you are smacked between it and another viper, or the exact moment the adrenaline wares off. I guess I should look at it like this pain is a real indication that you are still alive.

To fight for the Right without question or pause,

To be willing to march into Ill for a Heavenly cause.

I stand alone in a crowd. Before me lie the bodies of hundred of my comrades as well as reminders of those whose bodies would never be found. I should by all rights be no more than a helmet on a pedestal, and I know it. I survived again, I guess I was meant to survive, after all here I stand. I was not a member of this crew. My ship was one of the first lost in the war, but I was here by no want of my own. I, along with everyone else, should have died on board Colonial One, what

were the chances that Galactica's spare energy coils would be sitting on a shuttle I was to get rescued by after the old clunker of a viper left me powerless in space. What were the chances a trick that never worked in school working in reality? I feel as if there must be reason I am still alive and so many better people than I are not. So now my world will change I have many memories to live up too. But how, Lords I feel so alone,

And I know if I'll only be true to this glorious quest

That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest.

Now, at least, I have a goal. My father has promise them Earth, I now live to find a myth in a world where reality is kicking our asses. He says that only the elite few were told the location of the mythical planet. I don't know why but I don't believe him. Still it doesn't really matter what I believe. He has given hope to people who did not have any. I guess that is why He is in charge. I guess that is why despite all I believe or don't believe, I will follow. No,I will lead.

And the world will be better for this

That one man scorned and covered with scars

Still strove with his last ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable stars.